In the U.S., discussing politics is a national past time. Unfortunately, it’s getting more difficult to have any sort of discussion with someone who disagrees with you without the whole thing blowing up. This is especially true of debates over Facebook, Twitter, blog comments, etc.

So how do you have a debate with someone who disagrees with you without the whole thing exploding and everyone ending up angry? The following points will help maintain a lively discussion without ending up a shouting match.

1. No Personal Attacks

This is absolutely the top rule you need to apply. No matter what happens, do not stoop to calling the other person an idiot or worse. Do not insult their party either. Saying “all liberals/conservatives are morons” is the same as calling the person your debating with a moron.

If either side resorts to name calling either try to reign it in, or simply call off the discussion. (See #6 below).

2. Stay on Topic

If you’re discussing the state of health care, don’t bring up terrorism, or how some political candidate cheated on their taxes. When you drift off topic it’s difficult to remain logical. Your brain ends up trying to pull information from a lot of different places and will get frustrated. Once frustrated it will want to resort to personal attacks as a way of defending itself.

By staying on topic, both sides will get a deeper understanding of the other side’s view. With understanding comes respect (usually) and may even result in agreement. Worst case is that you agree to disagree.

3. Stick to Facts

This should be obvious. The trick is to make sure that what you’re stating is, in fact, a fact. With so much information out there, it can be difficult sometimes to tell if what you’re reading is true or not. Your best bet here is to source from reputable places (Washington Post, ABC News, New York Times, etc.) rather than outsiders (Rush Limbaugh, Daily Kos, etc.)

Business Insider did a survey of which sources are most/least trusted based on political leaning of the person being surveyed. Review for yourself and decide what your leaning is. For added knowledge, pick a trusted site that leans the opposite direction you do.

Be careful not to twist facts to look different. This can be especially tricky with statistics. Saying “the murder rate doubled last year!” sounds like there’s a real problem until you uncover that there was one murder last year, and this year there were two. Now it’s not really a big concern. (Note: in the city I live in, we’ve had three murders in the last six years and a very low crime rate overall. This makes it very easy to twist how crime statistics appear depending on the argument you’re trying to make.)

4. When You State an Opinion, Make Sure You Say It’s an Opinion

There’s nothing worse than someone saying “this action is evil” and trying to claim it as absolute truth. Changing the statement to “in my opinion, this action is evil” helps defuse any emotion behind the statement. It also leaves the other person in a position to disagree without challenging your manhood.

It may help to remember the saying “opinions are like a—holes, everyone has them, and most of them stink.” This keeps things in perspective because your opinion stinks in the opinion of someone else.

5. Know That You’re Not Going to Change the Other Person’s Mind

If you go into the discussion with the intent to learn more about the other side, and you listen more than you talk, then you’ll achieve that at the bare minimum. Even better is to state at the start of the discussion that you’d like to understand more about why the other person believes what they do about the topic. Then let them explain themselves. Ask questions along the way to clarify your understanding. Mention points of agreement, but don’t try to change their mind when you disagree.

6. If you Start Getting Angry, Walk Away

It’s a debate, not a threat to your life (even though your brain thinks it is). If you feel yourself getting to the point where you want to kick your dog, or rip someone’s head off, then stop. Walking away doesn’t mean you lose. It means you’re sane.

You can explain to the other person that you’re getting angry and that while you enjoy political discussion, it doesn’t serve anyone well when it gets heated. If they think it means they won the debate, fine. They can think whatever they want. You’re not going to change their mind about that (see #5 above). By staying calm, you’ll keep your wits about you and be better able to formulate logical arguments for your position in the future. If you get angry, you’ll flail about like an amateur fighter in a match with a champion – and you’ll get crushed in much the same manner.

Conclusion

It’s entirely possible to have political discussions with people who have a different view of the world than you do. The key is to keep the emotion out of the discussion as much as possible. That’s not to say you can’t be passionate. Just realize that the other side is just as passionate as you are. And you probably both agree on more than you think you do.